


Wanted Wear

by yuuchre



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Performing Arts, Swords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:35:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuchre/pseuds/yuuchre
Summary: After their band of mercenaries fell apart, Felix and Leonie turned to performance to sustain themselves. As Felix became more and more unhappy with the situation, doubt began to cloud his friendship with Sylvain, and he couldn't seem to shake the feeling that things might have turned out differently if he'd chosen a different path to walk.





	Wanted Wear

**Author's Note:**

> i woke up last night at midnight and couldn't sleep until i'd written 3000+ words of clown felix content, i have many regrets
> 
> this is based on leonie & felix's paired ending and fueled by fe3h twitter's clown felix posts, i'm so sorry

_ Sylvain, _

_ I’m well. Life has been decent enough. Work has been a little hard to find recently, but Leonie and I are getting by. _

_ No, I do not want to visit you anytime soon. I’m busy and have things to take care of. _

_ But sometimes I do want to see you. And I wonder why I ever chose to leave you. It’s too late _ — _ I can’t allow myself to see your face because I’m afraid of what it would do to me. I’m afraid of what I might say to you. Could things have been different for us if I’d chosen to stay with you? Would you change the past if you had the chance? _

“What are you doing?” 

Felix hastily folded the paper into a crooked square and shoved it in his pocket. “Nothing.” 

“Are you ever going to actually send him one of those letters you keep writing?” Leonie sighed and leaned around him to look in their inn room's mirror as she dabbed blue gloss on her lips. 

Felix leaned onto his knees and blew out a frustrated breath, staring at himself in the mirror. His face was coated with makeup to the point where it was hard to recognize him through it. Golden powder dusted his eyelids and blue triangles were painted onto his cheeks, extending down like tears, all over a layer of white makeup. 

“I don’t know. I can’t find the right words to say, so I end up not responding at all. I’m tempted to stop responding altogether.” At least he wouldn’t be getting more letters anytime soon. They were in Gautier territory now, and he refused to tell Sylvain about it, lest he try to hunt them down. “I don’t want to go see him.” 

“I know. And like I always say, I think you’re being ridiculous. You want to see him, but you don’t, you want to talk to him, but you don’t, you miss him, but you won’t tell him about it. Tell him how you feel already.” 

“I _ can’t _.” They’d worn out this conversation like an old pair of boots. “I’d look like a bigger fool than I do in this outfit. There’s no way he’d choose me after all this time. He has women lined up for miles to wed him.” 

“There’s no way to guarantee that without confronting him first. How does this sound: confess your love, get hitched to Margrave Gautier, get your pal Leonie a nice job with Gautier’s guards—” 

“Cut it out!” He swatted her arm, careful not to shake her and cause her to mess up her makeup application. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. It’s nearly showtime, anyway. That band I met while shopping should be at the market square by now. You know what that means.” She grinned and punched his arm, finally done with her makeup. 

Felix groaned, rubbing his temples. “Wonderful, I get to dance. I was hoping they wouldn’t agree to play.” 

“I know it’s not your favourite thing ever, but the crowds always adore it, right? And that means we get more money from them. It’s a win-win.” 

“We haven’t done a dance with our swords in a while. Are you a little rusty?” 

Leonie scoffed and picked up her sword from the nightstand. “Rusty? Me? I know I’m not the best dancer, but give me some credit. You sure you’re not going to end up stabbing yourself mid-dance?” 

“Don’t worry about me. I may not like it, but I’m not foolish enough to let myself get sloppy while twirling a sharp weapon around my body.” He walked over to the nightstand and looked over at Leonie, who was waiting by the door. “Are we running all three acts tonight? Fight, dance, and my sword swallowing?” 

“Yeah, let’s go big tonight. There are going to be several other performers there, and we don’t want them to show us up.” 

Felix nodded and grabbed both his swords from the nightstand. He hung one on each hip, the smaller, slimmer sword swallowing one on his left and the performance one on his right. “I’m ready.” 

━━━━━━━━━

“We’re Felix and Leonie, Meandering Sword and Blade Breaker II!” Leonie held up her sword and put her other hand on her hip as the crowd cheered. 

The performance spot was good, at least. Far enough from the market stalls so it wasn’t crowded, but near enough to easily draw in wandering shoppers. 

The cheering died down into casual chatter, and Felix nodded to Leonie. He unsheathed his sword, the one for fighting, in sync with her, and they took their stances. 

Their routine was not a sword fight. Well, he supposed that on a technical level it would be considered one, but it was an insult to call it that. What they performed was nothing like a sword fight. He and Leonie had turned to a comical act, sacrificing their pride in swordsmanship, because no one wanted to see a demonstration cruel skill and violence right after a war. They’d pretend to fumble the weapons during the show, stumbling over each other as they fought. Sure, it was funny enough — and it paid, which was the important part—but it was humiliating to see his passion, his driving force, be reduced to a fool’s act. 

Now came the part where Leonie pretended to startle Felix into dropping his sword. He was careful to make sure the weapon didn’t hit her as it fell, and braced himself as she threw her sword aside and bowled him over with her small body. 

He scrambled for the sword but made sure to grab it — he held back a shudder — by the _ blade _, as if he’d never held a sword in his life. He gripped it tightly with his gloved hands as he stood and pointed it down at Leonie. Felix’s skin crawled as the crowd let out a predictable chorus of laughter. 

She pointed at his sword and feigned laughter at his scripted mistake. Felix looked at his hand and forced his eyes to widen. He turned it around and held the right side with one hand while he put the other on his hip. 

Leonie shoved his leg with her foot, careful to not accidentally hurt him. He fell back and let the sword clatter to the ground. Leonie flashed to her feet and snatched both swords, holding them to Felix’s neck as he lay on the ground. He held up a hand in surrender, and the crowd erupted into applause. 

Felix let out a tiny sigh and stood, waiting for the clapping to die down before he swapped his current sword out with the smaller one on his belt. Leonie stepped back, leaving Felix in the limelight. 

He took a deep breath and tilted his head back, making a show of positioning it above his lips before he began to lower the sword into his mouth. 

Whispers turned to excited shrieks as he sank it deeper into his throat, breathing steadily through his nose as a quarter of the sword went in, then half, until the entire blade up to its hilt was in his body. He slowly let go of the sword so it was balanced by itself in his mouth, only the hilt visible as he spread his arms, signaling for applause. The crowd roared with amazement. Felix took a bow, then carefully pulled the sword up and out of his body. 

Their last act started right after his ended. Leonie gestured to the band, who promptly began to play—softly, preparing to build the volume later in the performance. 

The routine started with Leonie. She stepped back, setting up a generous space between her and the crowd. Felix moved to the side, still near but far enough so the focus was on her. His job was to clap along to the beat of the music as she performed, which was fine with him. The less dancing he had to do, the better. Her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath and held the sword out in front of her. 

She burst into a flurry of movement and the crowd went wild. Her sword flashed around her small body, slicing through the air as quick as a hummingbird’s wings. She twirled in a circle, spinning the sword in one of her hands as she did. 

She swung her sword in a wide arc for her finish and ran over to Felix, who unsheathed both his swords for his dance. The crowd cheered as he jumped into his performance. 

Felix always tried to clear his mind when he danced with swords. It was much easier to feel the swords guide their movements with instinct rather than overthinking it, and it made for a more natural performance. He kept his gaze focused just above the heads of the crowd, simultaneously twirling both swords in his hands. The crowd was ablaze with excitement as he fluidly spun the swords around his body, just far enough so they didn’t graze his clothes. He regretted leaving his hat on for the dance, wishing he could cast off its annoying extra weight. 

He stretched his hands up and moved the swords in rapid arcs above his head, then swung them down and spun them at his sides, satisfaction blooming in his chest. A job well done was a good thing, even if it was something like sword dancing. He was a thousand times more comfortable dancing than doing a mock battle, because even though it felt a little stupid, it was respectable. 

Leonie joined him for the last part of the show, twirling her sword alongside him while the music crescendoed. Felix made eye contact with her and she gave the slightest nod. He spun around one last time and stopped in place, both swords crossed in front of his chest. Leonie froze too, her sword held high in the air. The band let the music fade out, and the crowd exploded with wild shrieks of joy. 

Leonie lowered her hand to sheathe her sword and grabbed her hat, tossing it at the crowd’s feet and beaming when people began to toss coins into it. 

“I’d say this was a pretty successful performance, huh?” 

Felix started to respond, but his voice caught in his throat when he caught a glimpse of someone familiar in the back of the crowd. The person had bright, unruly hair and a huge grin on his face as he clapped. A moment later the crowd shifted and he was obscured, but it didn’t stop Felix’s heart from accelerating as he peered into the sea of people. But it was no use — whoever it was had been swallowed up by the rest of the crowd. 

“Felix?” 

“Yeah?” He turned to Leonie, trying to dismiss whatever he thought he’d seen. That couldn’t have been Sylvain. It was wishful thinking — imagine, thinking he’d encounter Margrave Gautier here of all places. 

“You okay?” 

He nodded and gestured to her hat, still on the ground. “Yeah, sorry. Just tired. Want to get your hat? It looks like the next performers are up.” 

Leonie walked over and grabbed the hat, smiling at its contents. They walked around the crowd and past some of the vendors before stopping beside a storefront. 

“Nice haul, if I do say so myself.” Leonie untied a pouch from her belt and started to transfer the money into it. “That was almost fun, really. Better atmosphere than a lot of our recent shows.” 

Felix hummed absently, scanning the crowd as indifferently as he could. As he looked, someone grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, then wrapped their arms around him to lift him up off his feet. 

Felix choked back a yelp of surprise and started to struggle, until he heard the stranger laugh. It wasn’t a stranger at all, Felix realized, gently tangling his fingers in his captor’s red curls. It was, somehow, Sylvain, holding Felix tight in his arms, warm breath fanning across Felix’s neck as he laughed. 

“Felix… Oh, Felix,” he breathed, finally setting him back down on the ground, but still holding him tight. “It’s really you.” 

Felix’s hands trembled against Sylvain’s back. Sylvain let go of him to pluck Felix’s hat off his head and place it at their feet, then immediately cupped his face in his hands, gazing into his eyes. Felix’s breath caught in his throat when he noticed tears shining in Sylvain’s eyes. 

“I’m going to go shop… I’ll expect you to be busy for a while, Felix. Have fun.” Leonie winked at them and waved before walking off towards the vendors. 

“What… did she have something to do with this? How are you even here?” Felix gripped Sylvain’s arms, scanning over his face in disbelief. His presence here was impossible, and he was half afraid that he’d disappear just as quickly as he‘d come. 

Sylvain chuckled and squeezed Felix’s cheeks before he let go and twined their fingers together. “She did, but don’t be too angry. Leonie sent me a letter telling me that you two would be visiting a town in Gautier territory, and, well…” His expression took on a hint of sadness. “I couldn’t let a chance like this slip by. Though I’ll admit it was a bit of a shock realizing that you two were the ones performing here. I had no idea you guys had become performers. I just… It’s been too long, Felix. I’ve missed you so, so much.” 

Felix just stared at him. They’d conspired behind his back to do this to him, but he couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset when Sylvain’s hands were so warm and real in his. 

“I can’t believe you’d go through all this trouble to find me.” 

“Of course I did. If I wasn’t so busy, I’d have done this a long time ago. Why didn’t you visit me?” 

Felix rolled his eyes. “Look at me, Sylvain. Not only was I embarrassed to tell you that I’d been reduced to a literal clown, I also couldn’t face you after all this time. I was… I don’t know, afraid you wouldn’t like me after all this time.” He muttered the last sentence, quickly spiraling into embarrassment. 

“Now that’s absurd. Nothing could make me dislike you, Felix. And don’t you dare be ashamed of your job — why, I thought you looked rather dazzling in front of that crowd. I was particularly taken with your dance. Who knew you had those moves in you?” He raised his eyebrows and grinned, eyes jokingly half-lidded. 

“Shut up. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known you were watching.” 

“Well, don’t get me started on your sword swallowing. Man, the jokes I could make with that—” 

“Shut up!” Felix pulled his hands away and folded his arms over his chest, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. 

Sylvain’s eyes sparkled with mirth as he laughed. His expression hurt to look at, something Felix had been deprived of for far too long. He jumped when Sylvain pressed his hands to his hips just behind the sword hilts, pulling him closer. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve just missed teasing you. Missed being with you.” 

Felix placed his hand on Sylvain’s chest and pushed him back, avoiding his eyes. “You shouldn’t be here. It’s better if we don’t see each other.” 

Sylvain dropped his hands, his smile sinking into a frown. “What’s with the cold shoulder?” 

“We weren’t made to be together, Sylvain. I’m a fool and you’re a margrave. Our paths have gone in different directions and we can’t decide to suddenly force them together.” He felt himself curling up inside, withdrawing from Sylvain. Felix had momentarily forgotten why he never sought out Sylvain in the first place. Avoiding him forever would have been less painful than this. 

Sylvain laughed a little, but his expression was sinking. “What are you saying?” 

“You should go.” 

“Felix…” 

His hand brushed Felix’s shoulder, but Felix shoved it away. “Just go.” 

Sylvain’s hands fell to his sides and he stared at Felix, the light in his eyes dimmed. He took a slow breath and began to speak, his voice soft and hard to hear over the din of the people around them. “When we started to drift apart… it was like I was losing a part of myself. I miss having you by my side, and I can’t stand being away from you any longer. I want… I want to be with you. I’m not happy without you. I thought it would be okay if I kept in touch and had your letters, but having that tiny piece of you wasn’t enough. I need _ you _.” 

Felix had to remind himself to take deep breaths. This whole situation felt like a dream, too surreal for him to take it seriously. It made it easier for ridiculous things to slip out of his mouth, as if whatever he said would be erased when he woke up. “What are you saying?” 

“What I’m saying is this: Felix Hugo Fraldarius, I’ve fallen in love with you.” 

Felix closed his hands into tight fists, desperately trying to anchor himself as he melted on the inside. This was wrong. It had to be wrong. Sylvain wasn’t supposed to love him, not when Felix spent all this time trying to weaken their ties bit by painful bit. That wasn’t even something he’d allowed himself to consider. 

“Impossible.” 

“I beg to differ, considering the fact that I traveled all the way here to declare that fact in person.” 

“For how long?” 

Sylvain brushed Felix’s hair behind his ears and smiled softly at him. “Sometime after you wandered off to become a mercenary. I never got the chance to talk to you about it.” 

“Idiot.” Felix grabbed Sylvain’s collar and yanked him down to eye level. “I can’t believe you. What did you think, you could just waltz up to me and confess you love like some hopeful schoolgirl and have me accept—” 

Sylvain captured Felix’s chin with his hand, their lips mere inches apart. “Do you love me, too?” 

Felix choked on whatever he was going to say next, fumbling for a comeback that never came. Sylvain smiled at him, tilting Felix’s head up. “Can I kiss you, Felix?” 

Felix hesitated for only a fraction of a second before he stretched up and pressed his lips to Sylvain’s. Felix felt him take a sharp breath before he leaned into the kiss, cupping Felix’s face in his hands. Sylvain’s lips were warm and welcoming against his own, gentler than he thought they’d be. 

Felix pulled away after a moment, his heart racing like he’d just finished a tough fight. Sylvain was still touching Felix’s face as he beamed at him. 

“I love you.” 

Felix opened his mouth, then closed it, too embarrassed to reply. What had they done? That kiss opened the door to a flood of unpredictable paths. This wasn’t okay. 

“Can we stay together? We can live together, and arranging a job for Leonie would be easy. I owe her for helping me find you two. I’ll spar with you whenever you want, and we’ll rule together, and—” 

“Sylvain—” Felix was about to argue with him again until Sylvain cut him off, his voice stripped of all insincerity and humour. 

“Just give me a chance! Give _ us _ a chance. Though I won’t force you to agree if you really don’t want to. Felix… I just want you to be happy.” 

Felix studied Sylvain’s pleading face for a moment, already knowing the decision he had to make. He slowly unsheathed his fighting sword, gazing silently at it for a long moment. He reached out and lifted Sylvain’s hand, then placed the hilt in his open palm and fought back a sigh as he watched his fingers close around it. 

**Author's Note:**

> get it...? the end is like felix & sylvain's paired ending outside of bl... with sylvain getting his sword... mine's supposed to be open to interpretation so take what you want from that... felix's sigh is like the one in 'the road not taken' (hence the title, thanks past english teachers who forced me to read that poem)  
(i'm too soft to write straight up angsty endings okay so you get to choose) 
> 
> sorry for any mistakes or inaccuracies, this was speed-written, its late, and i just wanted to post this before i decided to trash it out of embarrassment hdfjhg it would work better in a long fic but there is no way i'm writing a clown felix angst-ridden long fic okay, goodnight guys and big thanks for reading this mess of an idea ;w;


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